Tuesday, Night.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Bad day. Curses working everywhere.
Mood-de-rator : Depressed. (I refuse to despair.)
Nice day today...*sigh* not.
It's all fun and games (Mass workout) until I started losing an eye (Math), and another (Geog Elec), and another (SS after school lesson), and another (Soccer after remedial lessons).
Math? It was just plain failing my A maths test AND mastery. No practice, no marks. Even the passing of E seemed like no big deal.
Geog Elec. Who would be bloody happy when he can't manage to write much in 45 minutes?
SS. No powerpoint, so I had to use my marker to 'rock the house down'. So much for that. I said something that agitated the girls which I do not want to remember. I mean, yes it's a fact right smack in your face, but...nevermind. You girls are just gonna call me a BIG LOSER for saying other stuff again.
Soccer. It...wasn't much actually...but I cursed myself that "Something tells me that I will get hurt sooner or later", and sure enough, I got kicked at the shin. Nothing happened, fortunately, or I'll be crying about ruining Cross Country again.
It was the only thing I looked forward to besides a possible chalet and the 'O's.
As the boys left...Yio Chu Kang...Khatib...Yishun...Woodlands...
I walked alone.
I thought about all the things that happened today.
"You're just a big loser!"
"You cannot go up to stage and present."
"You're a loser in primary school, and now...you're letting history repeat itself."
"You are not going to present anything ever again! No one will drag you up there."
"Just a big loser."
"Big loser."
"BIG LOSER!"
...
I cried a little..."I must be too bogged down by depression..."...
I was afraid..."I'm going to be what I fear most...the heartless society itself..."...
Randomly..."You're not going to get a girlfriend if you're going to continue like this..."
..."Don't give up on this life yet...dying is not an option. It's stupid, and immature."
Am I letting myself get influenced by friends? Have I really done wrong? Why, what is wrong with me?
I held back my tears. No crying. No crying. No crying.
Not going to do homework. Not going to bother about any other shit. I'm just going to...sleep. Just tonight.
I really need someone. I think I really do.
Screwed,
Terensu The CraftKnight.
Let it Rain.
21:24