Will have to start thinking of titles soon. (29/12/08)
Monday, December 29, 2008
New blogskin, old links, all posts.
It's for a certain someone who apparently cannot see the 'super small words' that I post whenever I had time.
Alright, that's a good reason why people don't read posts. Alright.
I got back some grades I don't want to talk about. What's over is over.
Then...I had my McSpicy after so long at home. I'm happy enough.
My mind is stable for now without showing any signs of breakdown. Couldn't be better.
Without my own darkness restraining everything, I'd probably crack under everyshit that's happened recently.
I played Doom3 while waiting for 1500hr classes to start.
Geez, I'm really a coward without first building up killing instinct when it comes to these games.
Oh well, better skill next time. Gotta build up resistance to fear and all...
Especially when you already have fear within you. It's going to be a difficult task.
I definitely hope I don't doze off tomorrow. I wanna listen in class and not think about anything else. Having my eyes lock on to a few pretty girls in school is bad enough for my mind.
I don't want to look at them aimlessly.
I only want my eyes on one. =\
Mission Impossible, eh? Well, at this rate even the impossible is going to flip into a possible.
I hope my darkness can at least win back some mind for survival's sake. I can't last too long without motivation burning in me.
Rather than this blogskin's name suggests, 'Where_do_I_belong', just Who_Do_I_Belong?
I'm sure I'm bleeding somewhere,
Let it Rain.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
My mind is really starting to undergo breakdown, just as I expected.
Don't ask why, I don't know either. I just know this would happen.
Either way, I'm reflecting on what I've done over the holidays.
Even with that much time, I don't know what my purpose is in wasting so much time, yet not learning anything much.
My fear for girls is probably going to increase by the day. I can no longer express my feelings for/to them. I never did anyway.
There's the self-esteem problem right there.
I cannot run away, that's for sure.
But facing it is going to take everything from me.
Like a knight whose armour is on the verge of shattering, yet still facing a horde of persistent monsters. He wants to run, then realises that his limit is reached too.
So it leaves me with no choice but to stand and wait to see if something saves me or not. I'll use what remains of me to fight back, but the power is soon fading.
Now I think I shouldn't go on the road to dawn anymore. It's going to send me straight to hell.
I'm better off wandering in the night. Even if I hear the agonising cries coming from nowhere, even if roars and screeches and screams sound from all angles...
I'm better off with my own darkness.
Try hard as you might to understand me. It's a task with 5-star difficulty. Ch.
Let it Rain.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
I managed to finish my mini programming project and added in a few trinkets which worked much to my glee. I like programs, even if something I made works or not.
Fear still resides in me despite everything. The looking-at-couple syndrome returns, and all the horror games I play seems to be scaring the crap out of myself.
My mind went blank.
Let it Rain.