Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Posting time after so long...
My mind's currently facing an overflow of the most unfair of requisites for a substantial relationship.
Little details went in as I kept on thinking, 'What do I care? If I get another other gf I'll have to deal with that, no?'
I say hands-down that I'm an emotion-oriented person. So girls won't have to do much to even please me. I dunno. Maybe I can manage to flare up sometimes.
The girls probably have more expectations because it's going to be their lifelong investment on this particular guy, I guess. So I guess I should just take a step in and face the inevitable. Probably one day I'll start to grow and look at women in another way.
Either way, she's the one I claim to have feelings for. My thoughts have been firm this whole time. I do not like anyone else. Crushes are crushes, and if I say I haven't grown all these years I'm probably making a big fail out of myself.
As long as the girl's happy, I'm happy, I guess. I dare not, will not, and cannot expect anything from a girl who is going to put her lifelong trust on me now, can I?
The answer is unanimous, then.
Let it Rain.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Nowadays all I can feel about my own little problem is indifference, but I know that deep down I should be very sad.
Guess I lost part of my ability to care.
Today I shall march into my workplace, work for a last day, and officially tender my damned resignation.
I will start talks peacefully, and if that hell of a manager decides to preach and whine, I will flare up, no questions asked.
Women can be such troublesome creatures sometimes. Heck, not going to care.
I will go search for a job, though, that suits my line of study. That would be best. No more F&B, no more difficult customers, one less channel to look at this sick world.
Oh, and people have been more inclined to commit suicide lately.
Hope they made a good choice in dying earlier. I wish I could commit suicide too, but my rationality holds me back.
Guess the next area that my mind should be attacked is my rationality. Oh, that would be disastrous.
Let it Rain.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
I have grown more and more oblivious towards girls, which could be a good or bad thing.
As long as 'she' doesn't come along...
Nevermind, I won't even know who 'she' is anyway.
That's why with this uncertainty I will live, or not live, as a normal being.
Depends on whether I feel 'alive' or not.
The idea of romance has shriveled to the point where I can only relish slightly the feeling when reading manga or other stories.
How pitiable. Few would take this condition seriously though. I shouldn't, too.
Let it Rain.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Strength my foot.
I cannot be happy.
Pain is all I can feel.
There's no turning back.
If I was still at my first crush or love I could still live.
Now, pain is my only resolve.
Just because I am so weak, girls can trample on my feelings like that.
They don't mean it, yes.
Well, I don't mean to fancy them either.
I'm believing less in myself.
I shouldn't have so much faith in relationships.
The faith is taking me for granted.
It's cutting me up so bad.
I'm out of confidence.
My friends can only watch as I struggle out of their slippery hands and right into death and despair.
Do 'you' exist?
Are 'you' the one I'm supposed to live for?
Can 'you' come and save me now?
Are 'you' even alive? Should I die and look for 'you', just in case?
'You' are the reason why I'm crying so much, so come save me now.
...or maybe 'you' would like to observe me throwing my life away?
'You' are such trouble.
I hate 'you'.
Come here now.
Lost all hope.
Come and hold me down, bind me to your everything...
Please...don't allow me to fancy the wrong person again...
Let it Rain.