Wednesday, September 24, 2008
This poison has eaten through my heart and is progressing through my mind...
My lunchtime wasn't spared as I got one of the more severe attacks from my memory. Yeah, someone teach me how to forget...
It very nearly pushed me into panic, and eventually insanity. But to my good fortune it subsided before I lost control.
Sorry friends, I can't be saved no matter how much you guys want to save me.
So, deviating from that horrible headbanger, SPORE is the fun. =D
All the stages were, well, pretty engaging on their own. Even I could play the Civilisation Stage's RealTimeStrategy (RTS).
Tomorrow, I can finally go to work and temporarily forget all the shit times that I've had. I should use time to my advantage as much as possible, to slow down or lessen the attacks. I wouldn't want to die before I meet The One, would I? Haha...ha...
Crap, she'd better be worth it. Nah, she won't be coming so soon. Maybe I'll be dead before she appeared. =D
Why the rush? I'm gonna die anyway,
Let it Rain.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Finally, after so many days of PolyForum that took time off my laptop time, I'm finally back here to blog a little. Lively bunch of people over here. Singing, chatting, and I'm here just going to watch them and be a bystander.
Gary bought drinks for all of us. Cheered for him just now. Kay, he's gone. Tomorrow shall be the last morning of the Polytechnic Forum, and I'm sure people will be missed, but we'll still keep in touch.
Learning points are aplenty here in this event. Well, actually too many to list. I'm running on some fatigue here so I won't elaborate on them, but 'Take responsibility for your own actions' and 'Think positive' could be the new driving force for me the next time I wake up at home.
Well, much as I want to think positive, much of me isn't. I know I'm only destroying myself for being so pessimistic, but I just want to assure myself. There are certain ways people deal with their own problems. I'll just need to bear responsibility and accept the certain level of suffering that follows my choice.
Speaking of whic-'Low music, lol'- speaking of which, I haven't been able to do much at the forum. Sure, I contributed a little to the huge success of a performance tonight, but I'm speaking of soul-searching and such. Probably because I'm sleeping with my friends that I forget to go over an epic train of thoughts and do some soul=searching. I don't know, I feel lke quite a hopeless fellow for being so pessimistic about love lives. But, I'm me. I see starting a relationship as something that can being about something new. I probably won't get any happiness if I continue to think this way.
The moon was beautiful for the past 2 days. Peak of depression missed because of company of friends. Sigh, it's still a temporary happiness that will only become a memory.
I'm doing nothing to help myself.
I'm not talking much. The atmosphere is lively. I'm feeling quite guilty here.
Which leds me back to think about a burning question that one can never get a definite answer from : What is love? Is love just a fleeting feeling that burns out the moment her attractiveness fails to capture your attention? Is love something you have to work or suffer really hard for?
Oh, in my moment of silliness I searched Youtube for 'What is love'. How funny.
Oh, and I also realised that I've avoided any contact of alcohol. Guess the Shandy is really leaving a big impression on me. I'm really not going to touch anymore of the alcohol. ^^
I'm finding tears in my chest that won't come out. Am I still thinking about it? Am I going to become all angry and curse myself all over again? Am I going to blame myself for all the failures that I've encountered? Is it really my fault, then?
I'm never going to let myself out of the darkness. I don't want another girl to hurt me. Screw everything.
'Regrets for the rest of my life.' Goes a nice conversation to my north.
Let it Rain.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Please allow me to erase some of my memory so some people won't have to drop stupid comments on me.
I'm sick, and tired, and angry.
Yeah, having a girl brings you happiness and finding one is a bitch, eh?
So, please erase off some of my memory. Emotions, too. I don't freaking need it.
With lots of hate,
Let it Rain.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
32 minutes to live.
After tonight's rest, you're going to have to give up what you've tried so hard for.
Such excruciating pain channeling around your body. You will not attempt to resist.
Kill off your spirits; you have no need for them anymore.
Happy Birthday in 31 minutes,
Let it Rain.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
I guess I'll do a long one since I've left this damned thing to live in the dust for so long.
To the people who frowned on my 'whining' that I'll never get a girlfriend
To the people who tried to motivate me but failed miserably
To the people who broke my self-esteem time and time again
And to all the disappointments I've had over the past year and beyond
Thank you. My life wouldn't be mine without you guys, eh?
When I'm alone and was extremely down, few tried to cheer me up, and I truly felt happy when I see their efforts to make me happier. It doesn't last long, I've always said, but it doesn't get forgotten either. Thanks, you guys know who you are.
It's just so saddening that when you want something, and you just won't be getting it.
I've had so many disappointments, but I know that I shouldn't hurt anyone.
First years of soccer was an exception; I didn't know how to play.
The accumulation of anger was so painfully much just because I can't let it out, that it starts to go inwards. I know that I have to let it out somehow, but I won't. It's not that I'm destroying myself or anything. I know when I'm about to turn mad, don't worry.
Besides, what's the point of everything? Your self sees it as a need, others see it merely as a want. You want to open up to them; they take it for granted and present you with unwanted opinions, one-sided statements, and cold, harsh words. It just makes people feel more lonely after such a bitch of a conversation. What can you do? Cry on your own? It's not going to solve anything, though it does seem that you have no power to change the outcome either.
Many thoughts fog up your mind. People tell you that women are fickle at their teens and will not last long in relationships. You want to make a stand and attempt to actually believe that there exists kind girls who would appreciate you. No, your wish does not get granted. You get trash, so much so that your heart starts to run dry and your belief broken down slowly. You can't do anything.
You can't really do anything.
When the time finally comes when your need isn't fulfilled, your dreams shattered, your energy depleted, and your hopes...your hopes! They do not exist! You sink deep into your own darkness. You start to act haywire in times of fatigue and injury. You feel like screaming but you can't. You want to do something about it and have no options opened up for you. You're scared of failing again as it'll just kill you once and for all!
No, you cry in a corner. The right one will come one day. You wanted very much to believe it. You wanted very much to do that. You watched as all your memories flash past you. You reminisce your joking personality, your mostly mild temper, your pure wish to fall in love with the right girl and be very much happy with her...
Stand up, face your trauma, and face imminent death.
I'll give you another 26.5 hours to live.
Happy Birthday in advance, Terence, it's been a painful year,
Let it Rain.
Brainfall.com Quiz Result
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
What Kind of Girl Will You Fall For?
You will fall for the independent woman. You like girls that'll put up a fight with their words and their fists. Her conversation must be stimulating and controversial. She's got to have her own friends, her own car, and her own place. Most importantly, she can't be a "barnacle-on-a-whale" type."
|Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com|
Let it Rain.