3/4/10, Sorry, blog, but just let me have somewhere to vent my frustration for today.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Vexed, troubled, needing a direction, but not getting any, and you're not ____ing helping.
...at least that's what I posted as my newest messenger PM anyway. I hope there will be no-one who comes to me and preach or bitch about anything that won't help.
If you can't solve the unsolvable. Go away. Now.
I do understand things have gotten emotionally very bad for me. I start to become insecure, depressed, and downright unsure about how my future will turn out. I've tried, time and again, to pick up my courage under my friends' encouragement, and move forward. But still, things still go wrong.
It's my fault. I can't blame anyone else. I know I'm at fault, and I don't need you to reiterate the fact. I feel punished enough already. Can't I just have some genuine words of assurance, or even direction, to let me know where I'm doing wrong, instead of just giving me general statements?
"You're going at it too fast." Yes, I know. What should I do?
"Try to take it as it go." No, ____ you, you're not helping!
"Your time will come." No, ____ you, you're not helping!
"She'll come one day." No, ____ you, you're not helping!
I shall not take it out on the people who told me this. They meant it in goodwill, and it shall stay that way. I don't need to ruin a friendship just because he/she is not helping.
I know, I'm sarcastic. But that's the way I am. There are times I don't wish to attack directly, but I still do want to put my feelings across. Of frustration, of helplessness.
Of hope that someone will eventually tell me a way.
No, I don't believe in religious shit. God cannot help me. Nothing extra-terrestrial can. Don't even try pulling that off on me. I will feel like lashing out at you even if you meant it in goodwill.
Once, I said that a person has 3 lives. The heart, the mind/soul, and finally, the body.
My heart is more or less dead, which I suspect may be the underlying problem of all my troubles. My mind is slowly being torn apart by these troubles. And my body...it's the only intact thing that I have left.
Death cannot solve the problem, but living like this, this is even worse than Death. This is the worst.
Let it Rain.