Sunday, Night.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Terensu feels : at an all-time low.
I know I haven't been posting, and I know that everytime I want to start, I'll get this feeling not to, probably because I'm just too lazy.
The Barbecue session yesterday was about the only thing worth mentioning for these few days. In the period of around 15 hours, most of it has been fun.Sudoku, Volleyball, Frisbee, Soccer...pretty nice way to bond with...the usual less-than-whole class.
I was feeling extremely depressed towards the end of it, and tired as well. At first, I was sitting there, barely listening to a group conversation. The conversation was okay at first, then it started getting on my nerve, so I went to the tent to just lay there on my own. Turned out that the voice was too much to handle, so I decided to sit at a bench to look at the night scene.
As I watched the waves, tears started to well in my eyes as I thought about the memories of the past, the pains, the sorrows, the anger, the darkness. Desperation made me cry in this case. I didn't want to be alone.
The inner self decides to talk to me again.
"Nice view, isn't it?"
"Hmm."
"Look at the stars. So far, so free, and you're here, brooding on your own."
"I can't expect anyone to sit beside me now."
"Look at the bench, then at the stars. Both show how alone you are. One against the whole universe, and no-one there to stick it out with you."
"Well, I can't expect anything from people who wants money for survival, and more."
The innerself fades along with my tears.
I'm better off being my kind and caring Onii-chan.
Will genuine love ever open its doors to me? That remains an unknown.
Heh,
Terensu the Onii-chan.
Let it Rain.
21:46