Thursday, January 17, 2008
Dear blog, nobody reads you. That is my ultimate security.
Lately, I have no-one to turn to, nowhere to relieve the hurt, and absolutely no solution to throw away the fatal memories that has been with me for the 4 years.
Now, tears are forcing their way out as a temporary relief to all the bottled-up thoughts and wounds.
I'm suffering from depression, definitely.
Perhaps one day, I may just be forced into contemplating suicide and ending my shit life once and for all.
I have been trying my very best to think positive. Looks like it doesn't work, when all I get is misery and disappointment time and again. I thought work today could give me some sort of relief for all the pain I'm experiencing. Well, it did for almost the whole of the day. Then what the manager did during the last 5 minutes left me doubting my self-worth. I left, trying desperately to hold back the tears. It should have been let out years ago.
As I walked back home, I thought about my friends and what they did since the last 4 years. I got to admit, I even doubted that they were my friends at all. When I say I needed a girlfriend, some of my friends just passed a remark saying that I'm 'desperate'. Now that I think about it, I'm not. It's because of lack of confidants and close friends that led me to this thought. What a shame.
I should go to s shrink at this rate. At least a shrink acknowledges my thoughts and problems and helps me solve them. My friends barely does things like that, and it's actually the older friends who tries to give advice. I guess their advice have fallen to deaf ears. I'm sorry they wasted their time.
I lost it a while ago when my sister didn't know a Math question which was pretty easy to understand. I think I've reached my limit. Any more, and I'll snap, and probably say goodbye to this world once and for all. I really wish someone would come and save me soon.
"Bah, fat chance."
Let it Rain.
22:28