19/9/08
Friday, September 19, 2008
Finally, after so many days of PolyForum that took time off my laptop time, I'm finally back here to blog a little. Lively bunch of people over here. Singing, chatting, and I'm here just going to watch them and be a bystander.
Gary bought drinks for all of us. Cheered for him just now. Kay, he's gone. Tomorrow shall be the last morning of the Polytechnic Forum, and I'm sure people will be missed, but we'll still keep in touch.
Learning points are aplenty here in this event. Well, actually too many to list. I'm running on some fatigue here so I won't elaborate on them, but 'Take responsibility for your own actions' and 'Think positive' could be the new driving force for me the next time I wake up at home.
Well, much as I want to think positive, much of me isn't. I know I'm only destroying myself for being so pessimistic, but I just want to assure myself. There are certain ways people deal with their own problems. I'll just need to bear responsibility and accept the certain level of suffering that follows my choice.
Speaking of whic-'Low music, lol'- speaking of which, I haven't been able to do much at the forum. Sure, I contributed a little to the huge success of a performance tonight, but I'm speaking of soul-searching and such. Probably because I'm sleeping with my friends that I forget to go over an epic train of thoughts and do some soul=searching. I don't know, I feel lke quite a hopeless fellow for being so pessimistic about love lives. But, I'm me. I see starting a relationship as something that can being about something new. I probably won't get any happiness if I continue to think this way.
The moon was beautiful for the past 2 days. Peak of depression missed because of company of friends. Sigh, it's still a temporary happiness that will only become a memory.
I'm doing nothing to help myself.
I'm not talking much. The atmosphere is lively. I'm feeling quite guilty here.
Which leds me back to think about a burning question that one can never get a definite answer from : What is love? Is love just a fleeting feeling that burns out the moment her attractiveness fails to capture your attention? Is love something you have to work or suffer really hard for?
Oh, in my moment of silliness I searched Youtube for 'What is love'. How funny.
Oh, and I also realised that I've avoided any contact of alcohol. Guess the Shandy is really leaving a big impression on me. I'm really not going to touch anymore of the alcohol. ^^
I'm finding tears in my chest that won't come out. Am I still thinking about it? Am I going to become all angry and curse myself all over again? Am I going to blame myself for all the failures that I've encountered? Is it really my fault, then?
..-Sigh-.
I'm never going to let myself out of the darkness. I don't want another girl to hurt me. Screw everything.
'Regrets for the rest of my life.' Goes a nice conversation to my north.
Let it Rain.
00:02