Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Tues;May04;2010

3/4/10, Sorry, blog, but just let me have somewhere to vent my frustration for today.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Vexed, troubled, needing a direction, but not getting any, and you're not ____ing helping.

07/08/09 : Crap, I neglected you again.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Oh well.
It seems like I'll post when I feel like it. Meh.
Life has been a grinding session so far : Elites camp, Shoot-O, National Day Celebration...
Wearing out can never bode very well. I even see people falling sick here and there.
Come on, stop over-applying pressure upon yourselves. Your body and mind has limits.

I've finally go my PSP, by the way. It's great, but it doesn't seem that I can play it everyday.
At least it keeps me occupied during my train trips and breaks between classes.
Games. A perfect escape from reality without having to answer to anyone but yourself.

Life, the reason why games exist, I guess. Yes, it's hell most of the time, but I guess we should just be realistic and face the pile of crap that will present itself to us in the near future.

33 more days to my birthday...

I really don't wish to start the count now. It means that in 33 days, my promise will expire, and I would have broken a promise with the sea.
"I will find 'her', and stand here at this very spot!" That's what I screamed at Labrador Park.
I guess it'll have to be broken very soon.

Life sucks that way. Oh well.

Friends are there for me though, I'm happy for that.

I ran out of things to say.

With pride,
NighT.

01/04/09 : There are times when you don't want to talk about things.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

...and I'm truly at a lost as to what to post for this blog.

This holiday is almost a waste.
Had a job for two days and that's it.

Been running a little, soccer every Saturdays and some Wednesdays, too.
Been going out a little as well, I guess.

Everyone's busy with something.

My gifts meant for Feb 14 is still right beside me.

Life sucks, I need to 'get rid' of the gifts quickly.

That's all,
NighT.

07/03/09 : If it's impossible to get physically tired, tire your mental self.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Yup, work has been evading me like the plague, blame it on the current economic 'joke'.

Gives me craploads of time to learn things, though. Like sharpen the mind, read manga, and stuff like that, because the time has finally come when I'm actually staying at home and being bored.

Not that it isn't good or anything but, this time I've got a reason to raise the cash, and now the work evades me when I want to try new things. Well, not that I haven't evaded a certain line of work...

But I want to talk about right now.

I'm covered in sweat, and I guess I'll have to cool off a little before heading for bed. Man, it's this late again...
Yup, this entire day, playing a little Diablo II here, a little manga there, Serious Sam here, Melty Blood there, yeah, the degree of boredom is becoming abyssmal. But at least I finally get to sit down and sort of catch up with what I've been missing out on. Exams took a fair amount of time off, so I guess now I'm not used to being at home like this.

The sweat, though, is from soloing almost 3 levels of Serious Sam. On 'Serious' difficulty. It really hurts the head.
It was fun though. I had quite a desperate time in there while trying my utmost to survive, all while on my own. If not for infinite ammo and infinite lives, I would be dropping the game much sooner.
The experience was great. Forces you back to the very basics of killing specific enemies, since you'll be facing a variety, and to top it off, a crapload, of them.
'Sidestep the Kleer! No, there's another behind you! Oh look out for the Reptiloid projectile! Oh no, you triggered another Biomech! Oh hide from the Arachnoid before it sees you! Oh no, don't just stand there! Oh, you died.'

Yup. Not that I've given up trying to survive that battle, but at least give me credit for stretching myself to the limits. There are players out there who could do it, though.

Okay, now that my sweat has cooled off, and my head still hurting, I'll end this post. Sleep time.

WAR!
NighT.

28/02/09, Never a better day to push the mind and body to the limits.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Well, maybe I pushed it a little too much though.
My entire body hurts~
Oh well, at least it's the best soccer session since who knows when.

Yup, it was good. For the entire time that I got involved on the pitch, I forget every single thing that could make me sad. I'd say that it's the best thing from the session.

But given this amount of damage taken from only 5-6 hours of soccer, I can only say that I still got a long way to go. Gold for NAPFA won't be easy at this rate of progress. I've got to find some way to get fit.

The legs are fine though. Tiredness crawls all over the body and yet I could fire off a couple of high-powered and fairly accurate shots, one to beat Geng An and score, and one to beat Peter but scraped past the post for a miss. Nevertheless, I'm happy with my legs.

And so, wasted feelings shall remain wasted, and I'll look forward to 1 1/2 months of work and OGL camp.

I can do this.

Wasted feelings, wasted time,
NighT.

Hating mind games, 19/2/09

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I really feel uneasy whenever I have to guess the feelings of the other person.
It's like Minesweeper, except that you don't get any clue as to which will be a safe place to 'step on'.
I can't really understand after all these years.

I just hope that girls can make their feelings known. I'm already trying very hard to do that in a response to my own fear of unknown feelings.
Sometimes it's just better...
Put everything 'on the table' and talk it out. It so simple an effective it isn't funny.

So why do people still hide stuff from one another?

It's already very hard to live like this.
Why not make it easier?

Pondering,
NighT.

9/2/09 : Ruined day, Feared Valentine's

Monday, February 09, 2009

A great day spent with friends while surviving the Zombie Apocalypse...
A day ruined with an inescapable, yet unforgivable act.
5 days to possibly the biggest nightmare...
Relaxed, and happy. Then regretful and sorrowful.

Girls really do suck, you know.

At least today I finally get to understand being in the shoes of the Rejecting.
But the fact stands firm : I am the Rejected.

If I'd have to vent my frustrations everyday, I'd need to built a cliff right outside my house to shout from.

Girls.



Personal Best(L4D) :
Shot accuracy : 40%
Headshots landed : 14%.


Breaking further,
NighT.

16/1/09 : Morning.

Friday, January 16, 2009

The sun is shining, the birds are flying, and the NighT here is almost dying of hunger.

That's right, I've just woken up, and I'm hungry.
Before I eat I'd just post something, anything. I've been too lazy to post anyway.

Fatigue has been by my side these few days, even just going shopping with my mum and her friend drained almost all that I've got.
I've started to take naps after school too, though if I'm not woken up it just changes from 'nap' into 'sleep'.

Yesterday I felt lonely for just a little while as they were looking at some stuff in the shops. Can't help it, I guess. It's unfortunate to feel lonely at such a time.

Anyway, I'll just give myself something to look forward to over two days : La Galette De Rois which will start today at around 6, and tomorrow's Homecoming-cum-Opening of indoor court for Anderson Sec. People whom I've not met for almost a year could be back there again. It's a mixed feeling of looking forward to, and grieving though. I hope it's optimistic at the very least.

Until then, lemme just grab a bite first. Hungry.

Crimsonise,
NighT

6/1/09 : Motivation Crisis.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I can't get myself motivated to do anything anymore.
I've reverted to feeling down again. Oh well.

Seems that I just can't change how my moods will go, so there.

I'm probably just lazy...

My mind is going blank...

I'll find that motivation. I'll dig till my fingers bleed and it will be there, waiting for me.
Or I can further exhaust my mind by motivaing myself again.
...
Stop it already. Wherever 'you' are, come out. Stop hiding from me.
I'm tired. I'm losing motivation fast. Not that I want to.
My life is wrecked enough.

Forced break,
NighT.

Will have to start thinking of titles soon. (29/12/08)

Monday, December 29, 2008

New blogskin, old links, all posts.

It's for a certain someone who apparently cannot see the 'super small words' that I post whenever I had time.
Alright, that's a good reason why people don't read posts. Alright.

I got back some grades I don't want to talk about. What's over is over.

Then...I had my McSpicy after so long at home. I'm happy enough.

My mind is stable for now without showing any signs of breakdown. Couldn't be better.

Without my own darkness restraining everything, I'd probably crack under everyshit that's happened recently.
I played Doom3 while waiting for 1500hr classes to start.
Geez, I'm really a coward without first building up killing instinct when it comes to these games.
Oh well, better skill next time. Gotta build up resistance to fear and all...
Especially when you already have fear within you. It's going to be a difficult task.
I definitely hope I don't doze off tomorrow. I wanna listen in class and not think about anything else. Having my eyes lock on to a few pretty girls in school is bad enough for my mind.

I don't want to look at them aimlessly.

I only want my eyes on one. =\

Mission Impossible, eh? Well, at this rate even the impossible is going to flip into a possible.

...

Rats.
I hope my darkness can at least win back some mind for survival's sake. I can't last too long without motivation burning in me.

Rather than this blogskin's name suggests, 'Where_do_I_belong', just Who_Do_I_Belong?

I'm sure I'm bleeding somewhere,
NighT.

28/12/08

Sunday, December 28, 2008

My mind is really starting to undergo breakdown, just as I expected.

Don't ask why, I don't know either. I just know this would happen.
Either way, I'm reflecting on what I've done over the holidays.
Even with that much time, I don't know what my purpose is in wasting so much time, yet not learning anything much.
My fear for girls is probably going to increase by the day. I can no longer express my feelings for/to them. I never did anyway.

There's the self-esteem problem right there.

I cannot run away, that's for sure.
But facing it is going to take everything from me.
Like a knight whose armour is on the verge of shattering, yet still facing a horde of persistent monsters. He wants to run, then realises that his limit is reached too.
So it leaves me with no choice but to stand and wait to see if something saves me or not. I'll use what remains of me to fight back, but the power is soon fading.

Now I think I shouldn't go on the road to dawn anymore. It's going to send me straight to hell.

I'm better off wandering in the night. Even if I hear the agonising cries coming from nowhere, even if roars and screeches and screams sound from all angles...

I'm better off with my own darkness.

Try hard as you might to understand me. It's a task with 5-star difficulty. Ch.

02/12/08

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

6293rd night.

I managed to finish my mini programming project and added in a few trinkets which worked much to my glee. I like programs, even if something I made works or not.

Fear still resides in me despite everything. The looking-at-couple syndrome returns, and all the horror games I play seems to be scaring the crap out of myself.

Oh well.

My mind went blank.

24/11/08

Monday, November 24, 2008

I feel at peace.
With who I am, and who I'm like, and who I fancy.
Finally I can understand, somehow, to accept the fact that well, the world cannot be fair.
The monster in me seems to have calmed. Locked itself into an Iron Maiden to enjoy the hurt it's giving itself.
I close my eyes. Until the day that these red rings will become useful, I won't have them be released that easily.

Sure, I can look at girls, pretty ones, all day.
But that's all i can do. Never more, never less.

Thanks to the certain someone who pulled me out of breakdown. I'm sure it'll reoccur, but thanks for now.

Oh, and happy birthday, Geng An. It's great being your close friend.

10th November.

Monday, November 10, 2008

The six-thousand-two-hundred-and-seventy-first night.

Last time I looked at it, it was still in the fifties, now around 20 days have passed.
I still feel alive, somehow. My mind feels okay, although I know it's showing signs of breakdown already : Sudden violent surges, mild madness, periodical urges to cry.

I can imagine the sky having patches of red already.

I try to make my eyes emotionless. I wonder if it worked. My eyes will hurt, but I don't mind. As long as people can't see anything in my eyes, they won't know how I'm feeling.

Yet the wish for someone to love me hasn't subsided one bit. What's wrong with me?

I can keep dreaming, but this dream is trapping me in for long enough...

If my mind is portrayed as the world, my screams would have destroyed it.

Wrecked,
NighT

21/10

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Posting time after so long...

My mind's currently facing an overflow of the most unfair of requisites for a substantial relationship.
Little details went in as I kept on thinking, 'What do I care? If I get another other gf I'll have to deal with that, no?'

I say hands-down that I'm an emotion-oriented person. So girls won't have to do much to even please me. I dunno. Maybe I can manage to flare up sometimes.

The girls probably have more expectations because it's going to be their lifelong investment on this particular guy, I guess. So I guess I should just take a step in and face the inevitable. Probably one day I'll start to grow and look at women in another way.

Either way, she's the one I claim to have feelings for. My thoughts have been firm this whole time. I do not like anyone else. Crushes are crushes, and if I say I haven't grown all these years I'm probably making a big fail out of myself.

As long as the girl's happy, I'm happy, I guess. I dare not, will not, and cannot expect anything from a girl who is going to put her lifelong trust on me now, can I?

The answer is unanimous, then.

12/10

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Nowadays all I can feel about my own little problem is indifference, but I know that deep down I should be very sad.
Guess I lost part of my ability to care.
Today I shall march into my workplace, work for a last day, and officially tender my damned resignation.
I will start talks peacefully, and if that hell of a manager decides to preach and whine, I will flare up, no questions asked.
Women can be such troublesome creatures sometimes. Heck, not going to care.

I will go search for a job, though, that suits my line of study. That would be best. No more F&B, no more difficult customers, one less channel to look at this sick world.

Oh, and people have been more inclined to commit suicide lately.
Oh well.
Hope they made a good choice in dying earlier. I wish I could commit suicide too, but my rationality holds me back.
Guess the next area that my mind should be attacked is my rationality. Oh, that would be disastrous.

Indifference,
NighT.

9/10

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I have grown more and more oblivious towards girls, which could be a good or bad thing.
As long as 'she' doesn't come along...
Nevermind, I won't even know who 'she' is anyway.
That's why with this uncertainty I will live, or not live, as a normal being.
Depends on whether I feel 'alive' or not.

The idea of romance has shriveled to the point where I can only relish slightly the feeling when reading manga or other stories.

How pitiable. Few would take this condition seriously though. I shouldn't, too.

The Moon,
NighT.

1/10/08

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Strength my foot.
I cannot be happy.
Pain is all I can feel.
There's no turning back.
If I was still at my first crush or love I could still live.
Now, pain is my only resolve.
Just because I am so weak, girls can trample on my feelings like that.
They don't mean it, yes.
Well, I don't mean to fancy them either.
I'm believing less in myself.
I shouldn't have so much faith in relationships.
The faith is taking me for granted.
It's cutting me up so bad.
I'm out of confidence.
My friends can only watch as I struggle out of their slippery hands and right into death and despair.
Do 'you' exist?
Are 'you' the one I'm supposed to live for?
Can 'you' come and save me now?
Are 'you' even alive? Should I die and look for 'you', just in case?
'You' are the reason why I'm crying so much, so come save me now.
...or maybe 'you' would like to observe me throwing my life away?
'You' are such trouble.
I hate 'you'.
Come here now.
I'm waiting.
Dying.
Lost all hope.
Come and hold me down, bind me to your everything...
Please...don't allow me to fancy the wrong person again...

24/9

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This poison has eaten through my heart and is progressing through my mind...

My lunchtime wasn't spared as I got one of the more severe attacks from my memory. Yeah, someone teach me how to forget...

It very nearly pushed me into panic, and eventually insanity. But to my good fortune it subsided before I lost control.

Sorry friends, I can't be saved no matter how much you guys want to save me.

So, deviating from that horrible headbanger, SPORE is the fun. =D

All the stages were, well, pretty engaging on their own. Even I could play the Civilisation Stage's RealTimeStrategy (RTS).

Tomorrow, I can finally go to work and temporarily forget all the shit times that I've had. I should use time to my advantage as much as possible, to slow down or lessen the attacks. I wouldn't want to die before I meet The One, would I? Haha...ha...

Crap, she'd better be worth it. Nah, she won't be coming so soon. Maybe I'll be dead before she appeared. =D

Why the rush? I'm gonna die anyway,
NighT.

19/9/08

Friday, September 19, 2008

Finally, after so many days of PolyForum that took time off my laptop time, I'm finally back here to blog a little. Lively bunch of people over here. Singing, chatting, and I'm here just going to watch them and be a bystander.

Gary bought drinks for all of us. Cheered for him just now. Kay, he's gone. Tomorrow shall be the last morning of the Polytechnic Forum, and I'm sure people will be missed, but we'll still keep in touch.

Learning points are aplenty here in this event. Well, actually too many to list. I'm running on some fatigue here so I won't elaborate on them, but 'Take responsibility for your own actions' and 'Think positive' could be the new driving force for me the next time I wake up at home.

Well, much as I want to think positive, much of me isn't. I know I'm only destroying myself for being so pessimistic, but I just want to assure myself. There are certain ways people deal with their own problems. I'll just need to bear responsibility and accept the certain level of suffering that follows my choice.

Speaking of whic-'Low music, lol'- speaking of which, I haven't been able to do much at the forum. Sure, I contributed a little to the huge success of a performance tonight, but I'm speaking of soul-searching and such. Probably because I'm sleeping with my friends that I forget to go over an epic train of thoughts and do some soul=searching. I don't know, I feel lke quite a hopeless fellow for being so pessimistic about love lives. But, I'm me. I see starting a relationship as something that can being about something new. I probably won't get any happiness if I continue to think this way.

The moon was beautiful for the past 2 days. Peak of depression missed because of company of friends. Sigh, it's still a temporary happiness that will only become a memory.

I'm doing nothing to help myself.

I'm not talking much. The atmosphere is lively. I'm feeling quite guilty here.

Which leds me back to think about a burning question that one can never get a definite answer from : What is love? Is love just a fleeting feeling that burns out the moment her attractiveness fails to capture your attention? Is love something you have to work or suffer really hard for?

Oh, in my moment of silliness I searched Youtube for 'What is love'. How funny.

Oh, and I also realised that I've avoided any contact of alcohol. Guess the Shandy is really leaving a big impression on me. I'm really not going to touch anymore of the alcohol. ^^

I'm finding tears in my chest that won't come out. Am I still thinking about it? Am I going to become all angry and curse myself all over again? Am I going to blame myself for all the failures that I've encountered? Is it really my fault, then?

..-Sigh-.

I'm never going to let myself out of the darkness. I don't want another girl to hurt me. Screw everything.

'Regrets for the rest of my life.' Goes a nice conversation to my north.

9/14

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Dear Brain,

Please allow me to erase some of my memory so some people won't have to drop stupid comments on me.

I'm sick, and tired, and angry.

Yeah, having a girl brings you happiness and finding one is a bitch, eh?

Hell yes!

So, please erase off some of my memory. Emotions, too. I don't freaking need it.

With lots of hate,
NighT.

07/09

Sunday, September 07, 2008

32 minutes to live.

After tonight's rest, you're going to have to give up what you've tried so hard for.
Such excruciating pain channeling around your body. You will not attempt to resist.
Kill off your spirits; you have no need for them anymore.

Happy Birthday in 31 minutes,
NighT

6/8, Saturday.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

I guess I'll do a long one since I've left this damned thing to live in the dust for so long.

To the people who frowned on my 'whining' that I'll never get a girlfriend
To the people who tried to motivate me but failed miserably
To the people who broke my self-esteem time and time again
And to all the disappointments I've had over the past year and beyond

Thank you. My life wouldn't be mine without you guys, eh?

When I'm alone and was extremely down, few tried to cheer me up, and I truly felt happy when I see their efforts to make me happier. It doesn't last long, I've always said, but it doesn't get forgotten either. Thanks, you guys know who you are.

It's just so saddening that when you want something, and you just won't be getting it.
I've had so many disappointments, but I know that I shouldn't hurt anyone.
First years of soccer was an exception; I didn't know how to play.
The accumulation of anger was so painfully much just because I can't let it out, that it starts to go inwards. I know that I have to let it out somehow, but I won't. It's not that I'm destroying myself or anything. I know when I'm about to turn mad, don't worry.

Besides, what's the point of everything? Your self sees it as a need, others see it merely as a want. You want to open up to them; they take it for granted and present you with unwanted opinions, one-sided statements, and cold, harsh words. It just makes people feel more lonely after such a bitch of a conversation. What can you do? Cry on your own? It's not going to solve anything, though it does seem that you have no power to change the outcome either.

Many thoughts fog up your mind. People tell you that women are fickle at their teens and will not last long in relationships. You want to make a stand and attempt to actually believe that there exists kind girls who would appreciate you. No, your wish does not get granted. You get trash, so much so that your heart starts to run dry and your belief broken down slowly. You can't do anything.

You can't really do anything.

When the time finally comes when your need isn't fulfilled, your dreams shattered, your energy depleted, and your hopes...your hopes! They do not exist! You sink deep into your own darkness. You start to act haywire in times of fatigue and injury. You feel like screaming but you can't. You want to do something about it and have no options opened up for you. You're scared of failing again as it'll just kill you once and for all!

No, you cry in a corner. The right one will come one day. You wanted very much to believe it. You wanted very much to do that. You watched as all your memories flash past you. You reminisce your joking personality, your mostly mild temper, your pure wish to fall in love with the right girl and be very much happy with her...

Stand up, face your trauma, and face imminent death.

I'll give you another 26.5 hours to live.

Happy Birthday in advance, Terence, it's been a painful year,
NighT.

Brainfall.com Quiz Result

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

What Kind of Girl Will You Fall For?
	You will fall for the independent woman. You like girls that'll put up a fight with their words and their fists. Her conversation must be stimulating and controversial. She's got to have her own friends, her own car, and her own place. Most importantly, she can't be a "barnacle-on-a-whale" type."
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Wed, 2/7/08

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Lol.
How many months since I last saw this dust pile of rotting blog.

Oh well, anyway, yeah, I'm finally gonna post something. Anything at all.
I'm frustrated.
Kuri doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
As much as I want to believe in long-d relationships, when she does stuff like that I start to worry.
Damn it, Kuri, talk to me!
Urgh, I don't know anymore. The end feels near anyway.

Fear is no longer of any significance here.

I'm worried.
I'm jumpy.

...

I'm lonely...

Rants again,
NighT.

12/2/08

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I dreamt...
And the contents are quickly blowing away...
I must hold on to that particular frame...
Alas...a crisp and clear face...

She was...caring...too caring...
...es kind es someone I never had...
But...this dream...why her? Why her, after such a long time? Haven't I recovered? Have not I?

I don't know anymore about this...
...giving up is giving up...nothing to help you turn back...
This day is ruined...but at least work is there to numb me for the remainder of the week...
I'm not going to remember 2 days later.

Not going to.

Remember.

You.

29/1

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

No, [F.E AristoCraft] isn't really ble to be written out. Partly because I'm a lazy bum. Heck.
The story will stay with me forever, though.

Anyway, today is yet another sad day.
Work was quite easy, except that I had problems releasing energy during the first hour.
Signs of failing metabolism....oh no.

But yea, it was easy. A breeze.

As usual, I can't stop myself from thinking about the past. It vexes me, yet it is a bridge to whatever happy memories I had during the previous years. For now, I'll just take it one step at a time, slowly redirecting the now useless passion and the overflowing part of concern, and direct it somewhere else.

That's right, I quit the Cupid game. I'm backing off from what I see as a 'decay' when the chance of an arrow hitting you is zero or less.

Sucks, I know. But who cares?

See? I'm already losing some of the concern.

Two off-days in quick succession. I'll have to make full use of it.

Sorry blog, I'm just too lazy to update you daily. But here, take this!

24/1

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Yea, so I'm destined to be alone in this shitty mess right now.
Pressure's on me, and signs of depression are surfacing, AGAIN!

I should just get an aggregate of 30+ and save everyone the trouble by going to ITE.
Now, I get 12, and I have to decide between my favourite course, and a 'cheap' jc.

I shall now ask myself, if I had a girl, what would she say to help me out?
I can't even imagine. How pathetic.

Now to ask myself, if I had a really close friend, what would he/she say to help me out?
I think I'll be told to go for what interests me the most.

If I just grabbed anyone on the street to answer this question, what would they say?
"Go jc lah! Your marks so good can go jc don't wan?"

Let's weigh things out.

If I go to a JC, I will sacrifice my free time, my interests, maybe my sanity. But I will lessen my mum's burden, get a good chance to qualify for University, and hopefully bring back more bacon.

If I go to a poly, I will be increasing my mum's burden, I'll be lowering my chances of going to a Uni, I'll be wasting one year. But I will be keeping my interests, and hence my determination to complete the course, I will be able to start on my profession early, and hopefully bring back more bacon.

Looking at this, I will have no choice but to sacrifice myself.
Let's just hope I can survive JC and manage a varsity education.
Bye bye interests, it's been nice having you for a few years.

...

I just wish someone is here to help me out...

22/1

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

These few days, I have been the Service Ace of the kitchen because of the 'last order' incident.
Oh well, but I like it.

Although peak hours can be a real sore when you have to juggle between taking the serpent-like-chain-of-orders and going for a Serve, it actually is great fun, seeing the teamwork between two runners working out and hearing 'Thank You's after you serve for them to "Enjoy your meal. =)".

Today is no different, with all the fun and laughter going on in the kitchen. The giving out of mandarin oranges, the preparing of Salmon Karaage just for a fellow runner, and I can't emphasize the teamwork enough. It felt quite smooth for today, although there was a moment when the order list was turning into behemoth proportions. (Or should I say De Rol Le? Never mind, the common folks won't know what I'm talking about.)

I kinda lapsed out of depression today. Talks with friends over the Net has the same effect, even better than one-on-one talks.

Bleh, my train of thought cuts off here. End!

20/1

Sunday, January 20, 2008

"Onward, march! No looking back, soldier!"

That's what I said to a friend who's worrying about her results.
I told her what's done is done, and there's no point looking back.
I should follow suit and move on, too.

Barba Ray is so stingy, it wouldn't even give me a DoubleSaber even at a rate of 1/22. What's its problem?

Haha. To think I had to spend...9 minutes and 16 seconds pounding it till it sinks.
"Your Pig Rays are so easy to dodge, Barba. I'll see you in Ultimate."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Dear blog, nobody reads you. That is my ultimate security.

Lately, I have no-one to turn to, nowhere to relieve the hurt, and absolutely no solution to throw away the fatal memories that has been with me for the 4 years.
Now, tears are forcing their way out as a temporary relief to all the bottled-up thoughts and wounds.
I'm suffering from depression, definitely.
Perhaps one day, I may just be forced into contemplating suicide and ending my shit life once and for all.

I have been trying my very best to think positive. Looks like it doesn't work, when all I get is misery and disappointment time and again. I thought work today could give me some sort of relief for all the pain I'm experiencing. Well, it did for almost the whole of the day. Then what the manager did during the last 5 minutes left me doubting my self-worth. I left, trying desperately to hold back the tears. It should have been let out years ago.

As I walked back home, I thought about my friends and what they did since the last 4 years. I got to admit, I even doubted that they were my friends at all. When I say I needed a girlfriend, some of my friends just passed a remark saying that I'm 'desperate'. Now that I think about it, I'm not. It's because of lack of confidants and close friends that led me to this thought. What a shame.

I should go to s shrink at this rate. At least a shrink acknowledges my thoughts and problems and helps me solve them. My friends barely does things like that, and it's actually the older friends who tries to give advice. I guess their advice have fallen to deaf ears. I'm sorry they wasted their time.

I lost it a while ago when my sister didn't know a Math question which was pretty easy to understand. I think I've reached my limit. Any more, and I'll snap, and probably say goodbye to this world once and for all. I really wish someone would come and save me soon.

"Bah, fat chance."

16/1/08

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Why am I just so stubborn and stupid?
Why must I slap myself back into the coffin, when for the slightest moment I feel unshackled from all the self-tormenting?

Terence, please, STOP THIS SHIT NOW!!! WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THAT STUPID SENTENCE??? Why? WHY???

It's all clear now-

The wounds are inflammed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just feel so frustrated.
Maybe I should let loose and cry.
Maybe I should hit myself out cold so I won't even think about these things.
I've just had enough of my own weakness.
When can I actually begin to 'stop thinking about it'? Am I hurt to the point of no return? Is it so hard to wait? Is it so hard to ignore these matters? Is it? IS IT???

I'm unstable, seriously.
I'll have to get a grip on myself if I'm to be mentally sound.
If not, I'll head for a shrink.
Maybe they should install a memory block to help me forget the past.

All the 'maybe's...I'm in desperate need for someone to guide me right now.
-shakes head- You're pathetic, Terence.
In the end, you'll just be disappointed as no-one will help you, and you'll have to stand up from this fall, all on your own.
-shakes head- What loneliness. So it shall be.

14/1/08

Monday, January 14, 2008

It's so annoying.
The loneliness comes and goes, but never seem to fade away.
After the chat at outlet today, I realised that my luck in love so far has been at absolute zero.

Maybe it's a curse, maybe 'the time isn't ripe', or maybe, the time during sec 2...
Nah. Soon I'll be acting like a spoilt brat wanting to have a 'girlfriend'.
I shall be ruined then.

...

I want to love. I want to give. There is just no one to receive it.
I'm very sure it's at absolute zero. Even if there ARE girls out there who probably like me, they on't say it.
Unlucky!

I always know that love is never a game.
It's a commitment. Of two. And it should be long-running.
I just hate the people who simply stead and break as they please. It's not a game. Neither is it for leisure.
In it lies the hidden fact that it's SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Never mind. I'll just learn to survive while my other half comes.
I hate living halved. Dang it!







Okay, so I failed to blog for the 13th of January. Ah, who cares.

Today is spent on PSOBB, mostly. With that little bit of crap AVP (waste of my life) and other various stuff which requires my attention.
Siva gave quite a scare when he messaged me with a tinge of anxiety in it. But when I looked at the problem he described, I was relieved somewhat.
He just had a virus which auto-restarts his comp. Unlucky, but still fortunate. At least it's not a fatal hard disk error.

I played a little of Runescape earlier at around midnight. Ah, the memories. I remember I was lvl38 struggling, now I got a lvl83 account and another one catching up on mining, smithing and cooking. I last played 255 days ago, though. According to the client. Heh.

Schedule for this week is out. I'm getting inconvenient 4-hour shifts so I guess I won't be going out for those days. Then, I'll train a little with Siva on Wednesday and Saturday. Finally, the striker training can proceed.

Gah, I really have little energy left to post. I'll end here.

--Enjoying the calm before the storm--

12/1

Saturday, January 12, 2008

As usual, the inner world still has its instabilities now and then.
But I think I'll tide it through. I guess.

Maybe Cupid's been protecting me all along.
Constantly shoots bullets at me, with all of them near-misses, resulting in the people around me getting hurt by it.
In one way, that's not being fair. I'd rather take the pain and endure it by myself.
If love must hurt, hurt me. I won't retaliate. But I'll definitely struggle.

"I should stay in the dusk, while guiding my loved ones on the Road To Dawn."

The match today ended in a devastating 4-0 loss to 4/5. I know, we suck. And a few of the teammates are to blame. Then a second match, 3v3, was won 5-4. I slotted in 4, but I believe I can do much better. Dribbling is a problem, and the misses are absolutely ridiculous. My aim goes off in-game, that's for sure.

Saw Edna this morning. Hm, I think I'm scarred already. We just used our eyes to say 'hi'. =.=
No hard feelings, no pain. Friends, and only friends.

I should use the remaining time off to do other things like WRITING ON THIS BLOG...
PSOBB has been fun, and I just recently completed a TTF run on One person mode. I bet I won't be able to survive in the Normal TTF.
As for combat...look, learn, judge, and analyze. There was one event where I failed to do that. I went on to repel the So Demenians instead of rushing the Chaos Sorcerer down. In the end, when I do manage to bring it down, it was too late. The sorcerer landed a freezing spell on me, which led to my demise by the ruthless blades of the Demenians.

Ah heck. I've been too busy playing computer games to bother about anything else. Perhaps that's a good thing. Just, perhaps.

I think Amelia forgot my number.
"Unlucky!"

Jan09, Cold.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Posting frequently is definitely something I could get used to.
No really. It is.

If not for the PSOBB I have to play, and the work that stretches for a freaking full-day today, and other what-nots...bah, excuses. All excuses.

I realise I haven't any New Year resolutions yet. But then. do I need it at all? What am I going to wish for if even one of my resolutions come true? Being realistic and un-hoping should be the key to the least of my disappointments.

But then, even if I had resolutions I wouldn't have too many. Meh.

1. I wish that I wouldn't be an asshole like I did for the past 10 years.
2. Be mentally stronger. A lot stronger, in fact. These years have put mind to the test over and over.
3. I won't be desperate anymore. (For all you assholes who want to pick on this, go ahead. SEE IF I CARE.)
4. I want the 3 Cs. Not Condo, Cars, Cash. But Cool, Calm, Collected. I can't stand myself panicking everytime a customer comes my way.
5. I just wish two of the greatest things that compose of my soul would not start another struggle. (Don't even try to understand this.)
6. Never get affected by hormones or any kind acts. You've had enough, Terence.

I guess 6 would be enough. Then again...what kind of resolutions are these? Bah, shall not question it. The goals are set, and the rest is up to me.

Tomorrow, Heeren will witness its most hungry army. Ever.

I should start surfing blogs to see what others are up to, but my eyes will hurt so much from focusing on terrible colour combinations...

Chilly,
Terence.

Dec 31 , Monday.

Monday, December 31, 2007

What a rotten day.

Literally.

Work was most daunting today. No, not because of the endless stream of customers coming to eat, but because of myself.
After yesterday, I felt more of the 'decay' that was setting in. Irritable self, emotional, and a lot of physical pain.
It seems that even with the emotion exoskeleton, I'm still rotting. Outwards. And it's going to cause lots of trouble.

I still feel unwanted. After what all my friends said about 'stop thinking about it' and stuff like that, it just won't go away. The fact stays that I am someone nobody has taken a liking for.
It's so frustrating. I want to scream, punch, and cry my way out of this. But I don't think any of those things will work. I need a solution, and fast.

I need a girlfriend, and I don't think it looks like a joke.

Thursday, Afternoon.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Last Post?

This will be the last post on my own comp until the O's are over. Curse Internet subscriptions.
Till then, I'll make a desperate attempt to work hard, play hard, and possibly find a girl by relying on sheer dumb luck.

I'll miss you, blog. But don't ever miss me back. You know you won't.

Bye Internet. It's been nice surfing you.

Farewell,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Terensu feels : bored.

Holidays aren't supposed to be bored.
NOW it is.
I got too much time on my hands. XD

I'm going to start doing meaningful stuffs once this Internet meets its downfall in two days.
Erm, I mean when its subscription ends. That could possibly be my chance to fight back and study hard.
I'll still need a study partner/group/whatnot.

I wasted quite a bit of money going to Queensway and back, only to get my very own jersey.
Finally, my very own jersey.
It was a waste of time, though. Jia Hao and Geng An were already there before I arrived.
Oh well.

I have this tendency to think about combat in random times of the day.
Today, while I was using the computer, I swung my arm around like a cowboy would with his rope. In the end, I was able to focus more force into the strike I landed onto thin air after that move.
Not very practical, as opponents would probably get into my blind spot and stuff, and my arm would wear out faster than tires would, but it is still nice to get charge-ups like that. It always gives you more focus to attacks.

-Level up-

Haha, oh well.

Still looking,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night,

Monday, June 04, 2007

Terensu feels : Even more deprived.

I could live with the Lit session.
One and a half hours of it is nothing compared to the talk I had with ChaiRong over lunch this afternoon.
Though it makes me feel more lonely than ever, she was a good confidante. She's my only confidante, in fact.

Oh, and I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking.

There we go, recap with expression of thoughts and feelings. An A1 Lit sentence.

Yea right.

And, yea. I really hate to wait, ChaiRong. I'm done being a benchwarmer.

Oh snap,
Terensu ; WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Morning.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Terensu feels : wierd.

I haven't been able to produce a post in days.
Lack of mood, inspiration, and probably because the holidays just disallow stuff like that.

All I've been doing is jumping from one game to another, and reading the blogs of others. I really need to soul-search as there are things which I never knew. Some friend I am.

It was a horrible dream this morning. Despite the fact that camping outside a kampong is nice, why the heck would I see something like THAT?!? Is this what's going on in the untouchable depths of my mind? Is desperation driving me to this extent? If so, then I'll REALLY need to go to the special place for special people.

I need to start dating. XD

Maybe not. Being timid, I never would have the chance to even speak to someone I like properly.

There has been this sharp sound coming from my neighbourhood lately, and it lasts for like hours at a time. It's annoying, and it would probably contribute to me being deaf.

Back to reading some more blogs, I guess.

Read,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Friday, Afternoon.

Friday, June 01, 2007

I have never felt so lonely before...

Please...no more waiting games...

More at night,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Night.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Terensu feels : at an all-time low.

I know I haven't been posting, and I know that everytime I want to start, I'll get this feeling not to, probably because I'm just too lazy.

The Barbecue session yesterday was about the only thing worth mentioning for these few days. In the period of around 15 hours, most of it has been fun.Sudoku, Volleyball, Frisbee, Soccer...pretty nice way to bond with...the usual less-than-whole class.

I was feeling extremely depressed towards the end of it, and tired as well. At first, I was sitting there, barely listening to a group conversation. The conversation was okay at first, then it started getting on my nerve, so I went to the tent to just lay there on my own. Turned out that the voice was too much to handle, so I decided to sit at a bench to look at the night scene.

As I watched the waves, tears started to well in my eyes as I thought about the memories of the past, the pains, the sorrows, the anger, the darkness. Desperation made me cry in this case. I didn't want to be alone.

The inner self decides to talk to me again.

"Nice view, isn't it?"
"Hmm."
"Look at the stars. So far, so free, and you're here, brooding on your own."
"I can't expect anyone to sit beside me now."
"Look at the bench, then at the stars. Both show how alone you are. One against the whole universe, and no-one there to stick it out with you."
"Well, I can't expect anything from people who wants money for survival, and more."

The innerself fades along with my tears.

I'm better off being my kind and caring Onii-chan.

Will genuine love ever open its doors to me? That remains an unknown.

Heh,
Terensu the Onii-chan.

Wednesday, Night.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Terensu feels : happy.

Love has no boundaries.
To my friend, make sure you love Kim from the bottom of your heart. True love doesn't come by easily. You're lucky it came to you. =)
I'm glad you're making an effort to quit smoking/drinking/drugs/whatnot. I'm really glad.
Go, my friend. Love on, live on, fight on. I'll be supporting you all the way from the Equator region.

"Heh, lucky guy, isn't he?"
"Yea. It's good to see someone stepping out of a mess and standing so strong."
"You envious?"
"Well...yea. But what can I do? True love doesn't come by easily, after all."
"Ah. I'll be waiting with you, then."
"Yea, thanks, Self."

For love, my friend,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Terensu feels : that something must be done.

The papers are better off burnt.
The games are done and over with. Good.
HeartDrive activated when I needed that rapid release of frustration, depression, and all the negative feelings. That I can't thank the games enough.
Although we didn't win anything in the games, it still gives the 4/4 team, if not me, one heck of an experience.

While I was walking back home from the station, fatigue got the better of me : hip joints excreting more pain, internal pains from Friday resurfaced, eyes tired, but at least still able to have a fairly clear vision.

Then, out of nowhere, that scene from the March Games comes in full force, like raining arrows.

The class spirit barely grew from where we left off.


"Disunited. It hurts you to see it, eh?" It's the familiar soul-searching talk again.
"Well, yea, all that Jia Hao said...I think we really need to do something."
"Hence the gathering." The 'me' added.
"Yea...and then all the equal rights and stuff like that..."

The self-communication continued for sometime until I came upon this sentence : Equality is an ideal. Harmony is much needed.

The Taoist sign really says a lot about the laws of the universe.

...

I'll go to that gathering. I must.

But for now...let me drink some water. My throat is in pain, my mouth is parched, and fatigue is crawling all over me.

Oh well,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Night.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Terensu feels : swayed by music.

Now now...what should I blog about?
Blog about how interesting the many ways of watching anime are? Nah. Some people just watch it for the...well...people. Others for the story. Others go deeper. Meh.
Blog about the heats on Friday? Nah. That 3rd was a lucky break. If not for all the heats crammed together, I'd have been rock bottom in the rankings for 1500m.
Blog about Saturday? Nah. What's there to blog about being lost in the middle of Stevens road and then finding the location bring close to 50 minutes late? Heck, but I am glad, nonetheless, for not dragging anyone into that mess.
Blog about today? Nah. It's just a whole round of experimenting on ROSE, then chatting with Venga about Granado Espada...
I', still a little shocked to know that Granado Espada actually took so much effort to advertise.
Oh well...*reads*...nice summary. I'll go back to listening to songs.

Slumbering,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Thursday, Night.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Terensu feels : like monkey.

Thoughts were brewing in my mind during that leadership session...(never mind about 'rest of the day', all the skating, and haning around with 4/4 boys...it's been great, but I want to write on this.)

*Okay...monkey see monkey do...*

*Law...uh huh...*

*Tic Tac Toe...okay...*

*Fun guy.*

Then something struck me in a way that got me stunned for a moment.

Philosophy. I totally forgot about it.
I have been thinking about what...girls, girls, girls, exams, girls, and even more girls. I cleanly forgot about my own philosophy.
I have been caging myself in a sacrificial pit, everyday being fed with bitterness and depression.

Then this William guy came along. Slowly, surely, and with flair, he managed to make me snap out of it. All in just 2 hours.

I'm freed, or so I think. Bah.

Whenever I start to push myself a little too hard, the eyebags of extreme fatigue would appear, and it's making its appearance now.

I need to sleep.

The best damn thing,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Wednesday, Morning.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Terensu feels : like experimenting.

So, everything's over, papers all done, and now, I'm just sitting right here, enjoying my one day holiday. I'll be meeting up with the boys at around 12.30pm though.

So, yea. Many things have happened during the test period. Me successfully making my Psykeeper, trying to make a BowJester but too unmotivated to do so, started Rose Online on a private server but was lost...

"...I'll be like a lost little kitten..." Heh, to think that random thoughts can lead to a nice chat.

Hui Ling, leng jing. =)

So now...I'm going to experiment more on ROSE than anything else. I got to figure out things on my own. Cya.

Lots of love,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Wednesday, Night.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Terensu feels : alone, peaceful, and PISSful. With myself.

It was a really fun time.
E Math forced me to rack my brains a lot.
Chemistry didn't. But I had fun writing neatly at first, then scribbling away.
Tomorrow...A Math, Physics. Gosh, I wasted my day again.
Never mind. Its either I know it or I don't. Doesn't matter much.

I'll make a promise to myself : Go full force on differentiation if you have to, cause' you're weak at it.

Yup, now that that's done...

*rewinds*

Mum is one of the best friends you can ever have. Just walking with her makes you all fuzzy inside.
Yes, I love motherly people.
Went to get a brand new calculator as the current one is...well...flat. Yes I didn't use one for E Math. I couldn't care less.
Then, she asked me to go upstairs of Sun Plaza to eat, cause' apparently...I haven't.

The first thing that came up to my mind was "No................!"
Never mind. So I managed to get myself a plate of roasted pork rice, found a seat, sat down without screwing up, and enjoyed my meal.
Well, what do you know? Couples start flashing past my very eyes, again!
It seems that this society has near-zero tolerance for abstinence.

I thought to myself, "If you can't beat them, join them..."

Heart : "Join them? But, who would want to join you?"
Terence : "Yea, good question. Who would want to join me? Would YOU like to join me?"
Heart : "Stop pulling my leg. I AM part of you."
Terence : "Haha. Frankly, you know what? If this 'drought' continues I'm going to turn into one of the three people whom I fear most : a gay, a lecher, or a Casanova."
Heart : "Omgwtfbbqhax!"
Terence : "Yea. Hax. I wouldn't want to change my sexual orientation, touch strangers somehow-anyhow, or screw and dump, screw and dump. I only want one. One!"
Heart : "Erm, yea. One. But..."
Terence : "The ONE never came."
Heart : "Yea, what you said."
Terence : "Never mind. I'll just finish this soup and get out of here. Stupid abstinence thingy."
Heart : "I understand how you feel. Now if you would excuse me..." *disappears*


Sometimes...I just think of someone whom I've lost contact for quite a few months...


Rita, where did you go?

Yea, like, ONE!
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Morning.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Terensu feels : dejected.

The exams are less than two hours away, and I haven't done anything to revise.
Hell, my incompetence ruined everything for yesterday, trust you to play FlyFF just because you're in a bad mood, Terence.

Irritating, stupid, incompetent, lazy good-for-nothing.

I give up. When things don't manage to work out for you, you fail, plain and simple.

Fail,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Morning.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Terensu feels : curious.

It's a magical morning.

As I walked back from Mac's, feeling too ashamed to hog a place there, I enjoyed the srernity of the morning, and magic started to do its job.

A few simple, yet mesmerising visions came to my mind.
1. Total darkness, then a visible ripple, like water.
2. Snow, and two sets of eyes meeting each other.
3. The library, and a random girl comes to sit with me.
4. Unison of spirits.
5. Cherry blossoms.

When somebody you know begins to reach into the deepest depths of your heart, it gets mildly disturbed, like ripples in water. That person must be lovely.
Snow and cherry blossoms, both which I think are romantic. I don't know why, but these visions...I must have been watching too much romance going on here and there.
As for the library thing...meh. It's another one of my fantasies.
Unison, that's something which I've been yearning for all this while. I've never truly felt what it is like, so all the more it gets me curious.

A relatively quiet morning is truly magical.

Ripples,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Thursday, Night.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Terensu is : letting his imagination run wild.

Volume Red, Phoebe.
Volume Orange, Orion.
Volume Yellow, Acura.
Volume Green, Goliath.
Volume Blue, Fritz.
Volume Indigo, Ignis.
Volume Violet, Luna and Solaris.

Ultima Volume, Imperial Sword of Light.
Forbidden Volume, Kazuzakura. (Don't ask where this name came from, please.)

Sealed Volume, Spirit.

/* Just a blog for me to keep track of my already overflowing imagination. */

Loves to play ball,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Wednesday , Night.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Terensu feels : guilty.

In the rare chance of walking alone from school, I managed to dig deep down.
Down into the concealed depths of my heart I go.

Terence : "Yo."
Heart : "You, didn't come down here just to say 'yo', did you?"
Terence : "Well, you know. Same old shit."
Heart : "Ah."
Terence : "You see, I've been single for quite a while now, and to be frank, I don't like it. I'd rather be tied down with something than to be too free and do foolish stuff."
Heart : "You finally explained your desperation."
Terence : "I guess I did. I had no clue why I was so desperate before."
Heart : "But tell me? How much courage do you even have left, to do a confession? Worst, do you even dare to love at all, after all these ordeals?"
Terence : "..."
Heart : "Now now Terence, hesitation won't get you anywhere. You know that you would want to do a confession again, and your previous time was successful with the help of Rita..."
Terence : "Please, don't mention her again. She's leading a good life."
Heart : "Whatever, she only lost contact with you. You know you want to do it again, but now the problem is, you feel too hurt by your previous experiences that you don't dare to try it once more."
Terence : "But I have to consider the other..."
Heart : "Be selfish for once, Terence? I know it's against your values to do that but, sometimes you just have to pop the question! Women are highly unpredictable creatures."
Terence : "Yea. Unpredictable."
Heart : "Now, now, if you want to do the confession, do it after you calmed yourself down. Free yourself from violent thoughts like slapping women and stuff. I know they deserve it sometimes, but please, not now."
Terence : "Uh huh."
Heart : "And also, try to remember the whole load of advices your friends gave you. Although also out of your own values, they're what modern people likes. You just can't deny that."
Terence : "You speak like I'm some old sage."
Heart : "Your heart also contains your wisdom, Terence. Now go, do some soul-searching, do whatever you want. Wait for yourself to calm down, communicate a little, before even considering to attempt to pop the question."
Terence : "I got it now. Thanks oh-so-mighty-one."
Heart : "Aww, shut up."

What an interesting heart I have.

Calming down,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Terensu feels : like writing something, but is too lazy to do so.

As expected, I wasted yet another day on the comp. When will I ever do my homework?
That does it, no going home until I finish at least half of my outstanding homework tomorrow afternoon.

So today, strange feelings get invoked again.
I know I'm not supposed to, but somehow....
A new crush, maybe . *Tries to recall yesterday's scenes...*
Terensu the Tico. >.<

Okay never mind.

So, yea. I feel like writing something, but I'm just too lazy to do so. I'll probably do it when my Mage becomes a Psykeeper and the holidays come, but that would mean that I'll have to start on my C language again.
There just isn't much time for an average human to accomplish many things.

Oh well.

I shall proceed to ponder on whether to keep invoked feelings as it is, confess it, or forcefully end it.
The first option would definitely be out of the question. This corrosion is bad enough.
The second seems to be the most optimal choice, but I don't have anymore courage to say it.
The third...well...refer to choice one. =.=

Heck.

Just some randomness,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Terensu feels : tired.

It caught the attention of a lot of people sitting for the Prep-preliminaries.
Memories. WTF?!? I was choking. It can't be!
But heck. Anyone who has 15-17 years of memory would find this topic interesting, hands down.
Okay, not everyone.

I wrote a simple short story for the question.
Typical guy meets fucking materialistic girl and gets crushed.
It made me bleed inside a little, but who cares, I'm in the mood for self-torturing.
Sadomasochism at its best.
Err, rather, emo at its best.

After the relaxing test, I went with Geng and Sing Ee to Dhoby Ghaut to get our hands on some machines. It was fun, but we ended up either broke or close to being broke. Sing Ee went home via NE line, and me and Geng An...well...he fell asleep on the train due to fatigue and I told him to go home to sleep.

Sleep. A waste of time, yet so essential for survival.

Oh, crap. Gotta get my mind off the essay.

I came back and played more FlyFF. Then helped a friend on a little research.

School of Design is hard work. O.o

So, yea, there goes another day. Wasted.

I'll probably waste tomorrow, too.

1337,
Terensu ; WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Morning.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Terensu is : getting ready to study with friends.

Friday was a day when football unlocked my shackles.
I was as free as a spirit, and at that instant, corrosion stops, and women don't matter at all.

Saturday was a day of discoveries.
I get to see how different people modify the original, and also how silence is still the best strategy to things.

Today, is going to be quite arduous. I'll be out the whole day, finishing homework, revising, probably chatting around...yea, it's going to be fun as well.

I really should start pouring my emotions into a book. Apparently, mine is overflowing, and nobody wants to take it and contain it within themselves.

"What is love? Something not worth having." This I will hold true...for now.

*rubs eyes*,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Terensu feels : tired.

As a storm brews, and as the heat sets in,
I stand undaunted, too brave to do anything.

Laziness? I say everyone has it,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Terensu feels : lethargic.

I must close my eyes...
Hide those tears, Terence! Hide them!

.,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Terensu feels : tired.

There are times when someone simply can't think of anything interesting to blog about.
This is the time. =.=

Love is the wilted rose on the cold hard floor.

Empty,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Saturday, Night.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Terensu feels : Happy.

I haven't been updating.
Lazy.

Yes, the promise is broken, yet again.
I have promised to try to post daily, but in the end I didn't. Dang.
So, I guess I'll start on Thursday.
Thursday was a really grueling one for me. First PE, then newspaper collection, then swimming.
My whole body was hurting like hell even before newspaper collection started, and during swimming my muscles were so tensed up, I thought they were gonna cramp.
It's just my luck that they didn't. XD
I realised, during swimming, that I have a lot to catch up on.
Firstly, my endurance dropped. As in I can't swim the breadth of the pool and tow someone back without the sheer tiredness. Could be the result of using up too much energy, though.

I can never forget what the guys were looking at when they got one of the pile of newspapers back...

For Friday, the whole class was wearing the Class tee. That really made my day. I've never my class wear class tees since Sec 2.
The lessons were so-so, and the only fun part is when I was playing a skirmish of Ancient Empires with Geng An and Sing Ee.
The battle is far from over. Haha.
So, after school ended, I hanged around in school eating and playing soccer before finally going home.
It was the second day of eating Nachos.
The first time I ate it, I was already hypnotised by the cheese. It was heavenly.
When I came back home, I wanted to do a little C++, and so I did. Then I went to play a little of FlyFF.
The training was extremely fast with an advanced party and an Assist beside me. She was getting around 1% exp of every kill I do, and I got around 0.12%, I think.
Hey, it's good enough.
The funny thing is, when WinterDarKnight leveled to 65, gotten Berserk, and the skill level rose by one, (Emphasis on 'one') I got pissed when the self-buff only gives +3% attack speed, and less than 30 increased attack rate, plus, it lasts only 10 seconds.
Oh well, nothing's perfect.

And today...

I went out in the morning for BM practice. For the first time in my swimming 'career', I saw Terence getting angry.
Kids really tests your limits, I guess.
So anyway, we did some sort of struggle practice, whereby the victim is to start struggling in the process of being towed, and we, the rescuers, need to keep our distance and to assume defensive stance until the victim calms down, before we attempt to tow again.
Thomas was cooped up at home for too long, and got dizzy after this 'drill'. He even wanted to vomit, but in the end it's all fine.
Re-capped on CPR. I keep forgetting the procedures. Not good.
Also, I only realised today that I'll not be getting 1 cert, but 2 certs out of the test coming end of May.
Bm and CPR. Sweet!
Bad thing is, I'll have to renew it every 3 years. Haha.
Oh well, I guess I can be a lifeguard in NS? *shrugs*
Or maybe a Medic? Nah. XD
After I came back, had lunch, bathed, and started working on my C++ again.
I managed to configure a program so that it can print out numbers in a given range in either ascending or descending order.
I was getting frustrated over the program not working, but in the end, I realised something, and it worked. Hurray.
So, after that little success, I went to play. (Wth? I should be practicing! XD)
Since O2Jam failed to work, I went to play FlyFF.
I worked on a new character. This time a Psykeeper, using a dormant newbie I left alone for a long time. Thankfully, the full Niz set is still there, so I can utilise it without having to buy another set of armour.
It was a drag, and the character only assumed Magician status at around 8.30pm. I was exhilarated nonetheless.
I played around with it, learned a new kind of attack style, whereby I hit with a longer distance but weak magic bolt, and then crushing the enemy with Mental Strike. It worked wonders.

Now, I'm just here blogging, and listening to the funny show in the living room. Heh.

Anyways, here's an extremely condensed blog for 3 days for you, the poor reader.
I apologise again for my sloth.

Sorry, please forgive me,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Terensu feels : emo.

The baby fought like a man, and lost like one.

I fought like a man too, and lost like an ant.

I need to insert my spirit inside a foetus to experience what it's like being aborted, by passion-induced actions.

Okay nevermind. If I continued I'd be doing the post yesterday all over again.

Lack of love VS. Slow, painful death, I'll take death,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Terensu feels : phy-si-ca-li corroded. (How many days has this been happening?)

School is as usual, with the Lit presentation of the Friar and the Watch being beautifully captivating.
Okay, that would be suffigance for the school part.
Suffigance. XD

-I apologise for any depressing stuff I throw from here on-

It's been quite a while since this corrosion started.
Sometimes, it's so insignificant I just don't think much about it at all.
But sometimes, you'll just feel like taking up the role of an RPG character and hack away at the monsters.
Yes, hack away, Terence. Hack away at all the loneliness, all your sadness, and ONLY bring positive feelings towards your fellow friends.

...

It seems that I failed miserably.

I have been bugged. By all sorts of external factors. But what pisses me off most, is myself.
This inner desire is so strong, I think I can destroy myself if left alone for long enough.
What others say about "It's all in your head" and "Stop thinking about it, you're just desperate", they're all comforting words, I know, but to me I think it's all bull.
I just need to get a girl, love her, and get loved in return. That's all, plain and simple. I need that assurance right there in my face, that there is someone whom I can pour all of my emotions into. (If it doesn't piss her off)
Life just has to make things difficult, to make humans think that they've attained it, only to know that their hard work was all a waste of time.
Why make it so difficult?

And you, Terensu, you dumbass. You can't even stand up, walk up, and confess to the girl you like. You have been a freaking coward for so many years, and you know what, I'm getting tired of you. If you can't just stand up for what you want you should just go and die, end of story. Why torture yourself over one person?

And you, Terence. You know that love can't be forced, and you just had to overdo things. I know it's what you need, but guess what? No girl needs you right now. Maybe there are, but they're freakign going to shut up so you won't go to them. You die too, Terence. You're not fit to even make a fool of yourself in class.

...

I know it's something I'll never give up on, so I can't say I give up, but I'm really tired. I just want to balance out my life. What's wrong with that?

Never mind,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Afternoon.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Terensu feels : like doing homework.

Been long since I can finally 'see' a dream and remembered it.
But still...it's in bits and pieces.
I was in this castle...and we were supposed to cross the bridge. Below the bridge was full of vines. Not those kind of normal vines, but those charred and radiating with darkness.
So, we finished off whoever/whatever was in our way...and then I remembered saying something...
"I wanna pee." (Lol! But yea, I had this 'wanting to pee' sensation'.)
So I decided to pee...into the vines. I don't know why.
Someo0ne followed me there, and was perhaps consumed by the darkness in the vines. She tried to push me down while saying something I really can't remember.
After she regained her self, she went, "I'm so sorry, my willpower wasn't high enough".
We crossed the bridge, and a few people went pass this huge door, leaving me and someone else behind. As we were about to reach the door, I perhaps got caught in a spell or something and flew, slowly, towards the vines.
Then some mage pointed at me with her staff and said, "It's over".
I think I whimpered a bit?
Then the other guy, whom I think also got caught in a spell, took up his sword and held the mage back.
I turned around to see someone wearing some royal-looking clothes with a sword in hand. Then as the sword glowed and she tried to kill me, I rushed, disarmed her with my bare hands, and landed a direct hit at her neck with the sword. No blood was seen, though. Maybe they were of another specie.
I saw a spear near me a while later, and took it with my right hand. (Double wielding in a dream, sheesh.)
Then some fat woman saw the door trying to open and she tried to close and lock it, and I got pissed and used my spear to swing at her leg. (Benevolence. O.o)
Due to that fat woman being super tough, my attack failed and she locked the door. (When did she get the key?)
I then threw names at her like a 3-year-old. I don't know why, I just did.
The other guy was gone, but I didn't feel anything. Maybe he wasn't of much importance.
Then as the arguing continued, I slowly woke, and the dream ends.

All in all, the castle looked great. It was fully made of stone bricks.
As for the faces...it wasn't visible at all. =\
I wonder what the heck that dream was about. Maybe it's my imagination. Oh well.

So, I've been playing FlyFF and O2jam until now, and I plan to start on my Math again after lunch since I'm not going out or anything.
So, yea. I'm going to remember this year's Good Friday for good. (Good, good. Get it? Haha.)

That was a cool dream,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Saturday, Night.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Terensu feels : like staying up. *Zzz*

Okay...since I didn't manage to post for yesterday...

Yesterday was the best day that Terensu can ever ask for.
Like, TMNT + Lots of walking around + Books + Good lunch and dinner, with a really cool friend?
What more can I ask for? XD

Thanks for making Friday worthwhile, Bliss. =D

*Keeps memories sealed somewhere in self*

For...today...
Once again, it's another nice day to...play computer games. =.=
But first, I had to take Sis to the doctor's since her cough was going non-stop for around 3 days.
-Poor Sis-
Then, I came back and rushed Terensu, now a STR Axe Blade-to-be, to around level 20.
Although lunch and dinner was pretty little in terms of dishes....(Fish, veggie, rice), but it was really tasty overall.
Mum really has her ways with dishes.
Other than that, this day was mostly spent with me jumping from FlyFF to O2jam to Kingdom Hearts : Chain of Memories.

...

Yes, I know. I'm an extremely boring person when left at home with nothing much to do.

I did try to do a little Math...but...
I got really pissed for not being able to solve quite a few questions.
I went, "Ah, screw it".

So now, I'll try to stay up...*staggers*
Oh, look at the time. I'll go SMS a bit too.

Good...night...
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Wednesday, Night.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Terensu feels : worn out.

Today has been simply wonderful.
The lessons were fun, the teachers were fun, and the walk to Yio Chu Kang stadium was fun too.

...and then it happened.

Maybe it's a curse or something, but we got cheated of 2 rounds worth of endurance because of a fault in the gantry system.
It was a bad idea to be pissed with the gantry. I suggested we continue running. O.o
And so we did. The first two rounds were okay, but then the remaining rounds...

My body simply refused to cooperate. It would be over after this, and it won't cooperate.
Heck, I simply ran and jogged, ran and jogged, sprinted for a few seconds, jogged, and ran. Sigh.

Just hope that the results can amaze me tomorrow, somehow.

Not in the blogging mood,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Evening.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Terensu feels : even more corroded.

Couples couples couples couples couples...
Of all things I can run into, couples?
Oh well, the world isn't really fair, so Terence, continue corroding, this physical body will happily bid you goodbye.

I have been in combat fantasies lately, and more so after I got my two Taytra axes yesterday. (14 million penya...T_T)
I've been into this 'Hyper jump' start-off for aerial combat. It just seems so elegant, and fun, and........impossible.
Bleh.
The axes got me into this whole new axe craze too. Holding two axes has never been so exhilarating.

So...what else...

I pulled off my 'open one eye' sleeping feat again as Mr. Yu was teaching about the forces of magnetic current. (Or was it magnetic field? Whatever.)
I think I was just too busted out from yesterday to concentrate enough for schoolwork. Dang.

The best joke of the day occurred when Lee Teck and I walked together to Yio Chu Kang station. I was wanting to throw my potato chip packet into the rubbish bin...

Terensu : *Packet gets stuck at the opening*
Terensu : "Oh it's s-" *Knocks head into pillar*
Terensu : "Urgh." *Recoil"
Lee Teck : "Ow!" *Lee teck's head knocked into the back of my head*

We laughed for more than 30 seconds due to that. Delirious, haha.

Riding on the train alone as Lee Teck had to go Hougang, I looked out of the window as usual...while seeing couple after couple after couple...

Oh well. World ain't fair.

As I end this blog, I shall go get my dinner, and then start on the outstanding Math worksheets which I vowed to complete. "Do, or do not, there is no try." Thanks Yoda, I will DO.

Couples couples couples couples...
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Evening.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Terensu feels : empty, then happy, then empty again.

-A great Happy Birthday to Samantha Yan before I continue on my emo story...XD-

I wake up. I prepared myself for the day. I went out.
While walking at the void deck, I suddenly had a feeling that was never so intense.
It was something that I got used to, and now it turns its back on me.
Loneliness. For a moment I stood there and asked myself, "Why the **** am I all alone? Why?"

All the memories come back. All of them, trying to tear my 'self' out of my physical body, trying to rip me apart.
It quickly succeeds, and after I kind of...'sealed it off temporarily'...I had little 'spirit' left. I felt empty. Empty spaces in the mind, soul and body. Drat.
Why? Why have I always felt so deprived?

I board the train, and the remnants of memories continue to corrode my 'self'.
I was pretty close to breaking down...again. Fragility. Heh.
"Maybe the corrosion will end somehow...", I thought to myself. However, I know that's impossible unless....

Unless...

*Inside the mind, that 'self' starts to go wild...and streak after streak of energy beams come out from around him...*

It's practically impossible.

Resistance against it is definitely futile.

Self pity is stupid. (Lol.)

Anyways, Happy Birthday to Samantha again. At least your birthday cheered me up somehow.

The corrosion continues...
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Afternoon.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Terensu feels : emo.

Well, I don't know what to do now. I feel like looking at the sky despite my promise that I'll start on my homework. What the heck am I doing?

I set up a shop today in FlyFF for fun, selling stuff and such. But the title...why did I put that for a title?

"What am I to you?(L/O if ex)(AFK)"

"What am I to you?"

Aww sssiet. My desperation is flying everywhere.

It rained pretty hard yesterday. I wonder whose bad mood caused it. Heh.

I play with WinterDarKnight every weekend now, looking at him hold two swords, and slashing away mercilessly. Dies when getting hit too hard, or by too many monsters.

I like dual-wielding, I scribble away mercilessly for my homework, and sometimes, when people land serious damage on me, I simply break. Why am I such a fragile person?

Every scar brings back memories. Let us all count how many scars we have in our hearts.

...,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Saturday, morning.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Terensu feels : like playing.

Kay, so yesterday, mass workout.
It was bad...nobody wanted to do, so I just fooled around.
Then Higher Chinese. Read a few passages and answered questions.
They were awesome passages. I had fun for that lesson.
Then, Lit. We were hoping that Benjamin and his group can save us from total destruction, and they succeeded! Now we can work on the presentation tomorrow, and I'll re-do the whole thing later tonight, when no-one is around to watch me...heh.
Math! Is fun. At first Mr Wong locked all the doors so the latecomers can't come in, then I think 4/2 helped us somehow.
At first Seetoh came and said, "Mr Wong I want to borrow visualiser!"
Mr Wong thought it was disrespectful and rejected him.
Then TingYi came along, stood at the window..."Hi Mr Wong."
The crowd went wild...in laughter. Lol.
Oh well, at least the three latecomers got in, and that's a good thing.
English was, well, so-so.
Mrs Lawrence taught me something I could really use to do my summary well.
But then, as the lesson progresses...I just took Bleach 18 and started to read. Heh.
Then, lesson ended and we decided to go to the gym, but NCC's Part A had to go to DeYi, so JiaHao and Geng An had to go, and then we decided that we might as well return the keys. (Yes, I'm skipping something that happened before that.)
Went back home and played FlyFF. WinterDarKnight is now lvl62, and wearing a full Blackine set. He is now an official Blade. Yay.

Okay, that's about all from me. I'll post somemore later in the night, perhaps.

I wish I can have the study group again...

En garde, Cranemachineries,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Friday, Middle of the night.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Terensu feels : stuck with his body.

Bodies are a little too limiting in their capabilities.
They can't run too fast.
They can't jump too high.
They can't strike at turbo speeds with a weapon.
They can't exactly do magic.
They can't levitate and move around.

Oh heck, too much fantasies about what we can do without bodies.

Anyway, this morning I probably exerted myself a little too much. After PE I was feeling sleepy already.
I get a 10-minute timing for the run, though. Not too bad, but not too good either. Oh well.

As for the other lessons, I was doing okay. But when the extra lessons started, I started to close one eye to stop myself from sleeping, but I slept anyway.

As Lee Teck and Sing Ee said, I was winking and sleeping at the same time. *Wink**Zzz*. Lol.

I broke a window pane today. What bad luck. I'm really not going to kick the ball in class again. I'll force myself to draw a blade for real. Dang. Now I'll have to pay, again.

As if the stuff I have to pay for isn't much enough.

Oh well, it's getting really late. I'd better rest and get ready for tomorrow, or I'll never be able to concentrate.

Screw the Math homework, I'll do them tomorrow.

Sleep is essential, after all,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Wednesday, Night,

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Terensu feels : Hurt, then okay.

I regret not having enough sleep last night. I really should know my body's limits.
As much as I want to live differently, I still have to obey this body. Heh.
So, as expected, after recess my body started to give way to the desire to sleep.
Food + Humidity = Fatal.

I promise not to play soccer in class again when that...that...
I think the only word I can use now is 'thing',
I promise not to play soccer in class again when that thing is around.
Vulgarities + Hurtful words = Fatal.

After Math ended, I did much crap with HongYu while waiting for him to get ready to come over to my house. When we arrived, I bathed, and then went down to fetch two friends who joined our study group. After teaching Sotong so much about Chemistry formulas, and after learning about the center of rotation and teaching it to Minette, as well as teasing HongYu, alot, we went to Vista Point to eat together.
It was so silly of me to scald my hand while taking the soup. Dang.
HongYu was being teased this whole time...about eating speed and everything. Oh well.
Sotong made him angry. I don't know what happened, but HongYu was angered. I sure hope things will turn out fine.
HongYu told me something while I was walking with him, something that I can never understand. Heck, women are much harder to understand than Einstein's Law of Relativity.
Sent HongYu to the station, and Minette on her own back home, I come back here to do this blog.
Tease + going overboard = Fatal.

Fatality at its best,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Tuesday, Morning.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Terensu feels : A little motivated.

Okay...so...there was some Internet problem yesterday that prevented my post from being delivered to the blog, so now, I'll have to post all over again.

The post yesterday was downright emo, and the Internet was right to prevent it from being on the blog. Oh well.

So anyways, I'm screwed for today. I'm supposed to hand in two essays...none of which I have actually completed. What luck. When will I ever hand in my homework on time?

So...oh...yesterday? I just felt plain useless.

I seem to be bad at almost every thing under the sun. Sports...singing...even drawing. I can't seem to draw people, cause' the face is so hard to draw out.

I even told myself to kill myself. Geez.

But...yea. Trust me to talk so much when I fought against myself in the battle of 'YOU ARE A FAILURE' and lost terribly.

So today, I'm just gonna fight it out. To see whether I can actually hand in my two essays. Heh.

If some other people can be motivated, why can't I? Haven't I been picking myself up all this time? Of course, with the help of my friends.

Yup, so today, I'll just try to sing something after school. I'll try Hawthorne Heights since my throat isn't that good...and I actually went off-tune when I started to try MCR.

Cough is never good when it comes to singing. Haha.

How many days to Wednesday? 1! Haha. I sure hope nothing pops up on Wednesday to stop me from enjoying it, cause' I won't be staying back in school.

Yea, that's about all from me this morning. Wish me luck in school.

Motivate,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Sunday, Afternoon.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Mood-de-rator : Heroic.

I am now blogging while my sister chats with her friend about birds. Heh.
Besides, I haven't blogged in so many days. Sorry guys. *If there are people who look through my blog anyway*
To those people who browse through my blog but didn't tag because of some reason, sorry, and I will try to blog more regularly next time.

Heck, there won't even be a next time.

So, this week has been a really busy one. Besides homework and stuff, we have this stupid file-checking which made a lot of us panic.
So, I just spend the weekends doing nothing but play FlyFF.
Go, WinterDarKnight, kill those accursed creatures.

Nevermind.

The pain in my lungs which started on Thursday died down considerably.
I'm still wondering about what happened to it. My guess was that water got into my lungs, but now, I'm having second thoughts about it.
I still haven't visited the doctor.
Like, c'mon, my family has great financial problems now, and I can't just go to the doctor's without worrying about my family.
I'll just have to live with this pain for awhile.

The Lit project has come to a complete halt because everyone was not enthusiastic enough for it. I'd better do something next week. I have to.

I sure hope next week would be a smooth one, cause' I'm really looking forward to Wednesday.
I'm going to teach two hot chicks about Math and Chemistry, who can resist? Haha.

Well, nah. I'm just really looking forward to meeting up with my primary school friend...it's been so long.

Oh well, she's done. I'd better go buy lunch and then start on my two essays. Heh.

No more FlyFF until next week. Damn.

Byebye,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Monday, Night.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mood-de-rator : Happy...*Cough*

I must have had a nightmare of sorts...cause' when I woke up I was feeling really ill...and I thought about 'lines' before I managed to wake up. It's hard to explain, and I couldn't remember anyway. Maybe I was being attacked by lines.

It was the first time I ever dreaded walking this long a distance to school. Man I shouldn't think that, it's good training. But no, they haven't even recovered yet. They still hurt a little when I unintentionally applied more force to a step. Guess I really overworked them this time.

This morning, I swear to improve on my skill in ties. I can never get them to turn out as good-looking ties.

The day went on pretty smoothly, basically.

CME today indicated that I'm intrinsic, that means that I rely not on material gains for my goals...

What's most important to me...

My family?

Friends?

Maybe it's the 'looking forward to a good relationship' thing again...urgh, got to concentrate on studies first.

What makes me happy...Love, obviously. Heh.

Anyways, I didn't do much when I got home, which is kinda expected from a lazy guy like me.

This 'Lazy' will get the better of me, though. I must start to work hard.

With the study group, and my own perseverance, I'm sure I'll be able to achieve something.

Get the 'O's over with, and it'll calm down until...the 'A's. Damn.

No Prozac, though,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight.

Friday, Night.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Mood-de-rator : ....

Speakers, busted a long time ago...
Earphones, completely busted a few hours ago...

A world without audio enjoyment...my soul is gonna leave my body...nooo......

"Spirits, are always, with you! Bwahahahahaha!!!"

Psh!

Anyway,

I see one big pile of homework before me.

I must...take up arms...soon...

Arm myself with a pen, a pencil in another, and supply myself with a good amount of paper and eraser.

Along with a "limited edition" must-win headband around my forehead. Bwahahahaa!!!

"You bee-tard...I will protect my brain, even if it costs me my life!"

Now now...most likely it's a death sentence right there for me, so, I should just work hard enough to finish all those papers and make it out of my room...alive!

I will seal up all the weaknesses within me for now - love, sloth, the desire to game(Oh, so painful!), the desire to eat, and all sorts of emotions that would deter me - and quietly do my homework...starting tomorrow.

I wonder if I could finish everything over the weekend, though.

Well, doesn't hurt to try.

Work hard, people,
Terensu : WinterDarKnight. (Cool? No?)

Wednesday, Evening.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Mood-de-rator : Cheerful.

Terensu, you lazy ass, you didn't post for 5 friggin' days!

...

Okay fine sorry...I got demoralised when nobody tagged on the tagboard, okay? Fine? Happy?

Okay never mind.

So I came back after the March Games, and actually felt a lot better.
March Games is a freaking depressing event.
I'm a bad player, something I keep denying...
But at least I tried, with oh-so-many wounds acquired.

There are many things I've learnt from this too...
* Never ever let your emotions be in control.
* Relax and let the energy flow.
* Oh, and learn to play properly before you ever go back to play again.

Okay, not many, but these are like...the basics of combat!

Okay, so...

I'm tired, burnt, and injured. Well...just scratches. Now that this is over, I shall stop my search for a girlfriend and actually work hard for my 'O's.

After the 'O's, I'm so getting a girlfriend.

Okay, back to being a DarKnight. =p

Good game to all,
Terensu The DarKnight. (Yay!)

Friday, Night

Friday, March 09, 2007

Can't type a lot...there's a sting every time I try.

I've been looking at the sky a lot today...and a lot of girls too.
And I injured myself.

Tomorrow's going to be a blast.

It really hurts,
Terensu The CraftKnight.

Wednesday, Night.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I'm not in a good mood.
I'm not too well, either.

Friends, although they were there to cheer me up, there's just too many stuff that makes things even worse than it already was.
One day, I shall just slip into oblivion. Start up social barriers, crush the computer, and study like there's no tomorrow.
I shall just be some emo nerd who dies of depression, instead of now, sitting here, wallowing in self-pity.

Wanting someone to be there for me isn't too much to ask, is it? I'm losing the battle, the battle against this life with an unknown variable that determines whether your life is screwed or not. I can't take much more.

As much as I want to die, I can't die. Not yet. I don't know why I have this will to live, maybe I still have some unfulfilled 'goals' which must be accomplished and then, I'll still die.

I'm tired.

Void,
Terensu The CraftKnight.

Tuesday, Night.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Mood-de-rator : At-choo! *Recoil*

Sometimes, when I lay down on my bed, I tend to think of things related to the opposite sex.
Things like sacrificing my life for someone and stuff.
Maybe I'm just plain foolish, but I know that deep down, I'll do it if I have to. I just will.

---

Okay nevermind, my main focus isn't about that, the focus is more on the opposite sex itself.
Sometimes, I just stop to think : Why? Why do I get attracted to them all the time? Pheromones, or just my own desire to actually care for one?
Well, I don't deny my want to care for a girl, nor my need to be cared for by a girl, but there's always this fact that things just can't be said aloud. We know it, and they do, too. But somehow...*sigh*...

Some things just can't be said, after all. That's how one-sided affection exists. But, somehow this feeling just makes me feel like a total coward. I take a liking for this girl, but I don't even take the initiative to get her number or anything. It just looks like plain cowardice to me. Take last Friday for example. I know I would like to get a number from any girl over at the bowling lane, and the 'truth or dare' game requires me to, but somehow, I just can't do it!

It must be fear. Fear to be rejected, fear to be scorned at, fear this, fear that. I know the girls I once liked, and probably still have a liking for, didn't really mean to turn down a guy with such means but, somehow, it just hurts. I know this is a case for anyone who has tried it. It works both ways.
---

Maybe I have to get more courage to go for it. It's what I did earlier this year. Gather courage, and let it all out at one go. I know I have a chance of getting hurt again, but still, if I don't give myself a chance, would the other party give me a chance? The answer is pretty obvious.

Convinced, but still hesitant,
Terensu The CraftKnight.

Monday, Afternoon

Monday, March 05, 2007

I had a dream before I woke up.
In this dream, there was a girl.
The familiar voice, the eyes, the face...just without the attitude.
There was food on the table. Did she cook that for me, or was it just something I bought on my own? I can't remember.
Why does she have to be the one I subconsciously think about? Why is she at the back of my head without me knowing it?

Why her?

---

I had a visual before I went to eat.
In this visual, there was another girl.
The familiar hair, the skin, the voice...just without the cheerfulness.
Her head was on the table. Was she crying, or was it just my imagination? I can't really tell.
Why did I walk away? Why didn't I stand near her and just console her with silence?

Why?

---

I listened to a song before I went off for school.
In this song, I got reminded of yet another girl.
The distinct voice, the eyes, the face...just without the familiarity.
She sits at her table. Was she feeling down, or was she feeling nothing at all? I'll probably never know.
Why did I add her? Why didn't I just consider her as invisible?

Why?

---

I had a memory while I was walking in the rain.
In this memory, there was a girl.
The beautiful voice, the smile, the hair...just without the closeness.
I lay my head on the table. Has she ever liked me, or was my affection one-sided? I really don't want to know.
Why did I confess? Why can't I just treat her like any other friend?

Why?

---

Losing faith,
Terensu The CraftKnight.

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Hi.
I'm Terence.
I'm 18.
My birthdate? 8th September.
If you need a friend to listen to you,I'll take the job.

Have fun,
NighT.

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